Being in a Relationship

Here are the things I learned being in a relationship for a bit over a decade:

1. Communication is key. If you can’t share things—good or bad—with your significant other the relationship will not work or evolve. 

2. If something is bothering you about the other person or about what’s going on with you as a couple you have to speak up and let your partner know about it. Without you speaking up things cannot get fixed. 

3. The other person should accept you for who you are and not expect you to change. However, if your habits or actions hurt the other person that should be worked on. The same holds true for you. You should accept the other person for who they are and not expect them to change. But if their habits or actions hurt you they should work on that. 

4. If your relationship has problems you don’t just walk away from the relationship. You should have an open and honest discussion about it and try to fix things, either on your own or with the help of a counselor or therapist. After that if both of you feel that it is best to part ways then do so but not until you gave it your all to fix things and make it work. Especially if the relationship is important to you. 

5. When your partner shares something with you listen and don’t judge or criticize. Make your partner feel comfortable sharing things with you. When you reply don’t raise your voice or talk back in a nasty tone. That will only hurt your partner and make them hesitate to share things with you in the future.

6. Your partner’s feelings are important. Before you do something think about how that will affect your partner. Don’t repeatedly do something that hurts them. 

7. Don’t lie to them or make up excuses about something. If you do it will make it harder for them trust you.

8. If your partner cannot do something for whatever reason, don’t judge or criticize them. Find out what’s going on and help them out by doing it for them, if possible. 

9. Major decisions should be made by both people. One can finalize things but both have to participate in the planning and solving of whatever it is. One person cannot expect the other to do everything from start to finish and then just go along with it. It takes two people to make things work. 

10. It’s ok to have some alone time but when two people spend most of their time apart from each other then the time they can spend together should be spent together and not alone or separately with other people.