My Issues with Talking to People

Sometimes when I want to say something no words come out. I can be saying it in my head, whatever it is that I want to say, but the words don't escape from my mouth. And it takes everything I have to finally let the words out, if I am successful. Enough times I am not. That's not a good thing because it affects my life.

I don't want to sit there with people who are engaged in conversation and not say a word, or hardly talk at all. I want to be very active in conversations. And I want to have no problem speaking up and saying whatever is on my mind, whether it's in a conversation, to ask someone something, to resolve an issue I am having with something, or to stand up for myself, etc....  

I don't know why that is happening, but I think it can be fear of things like: getting made fun of, being ignored, hearing something negative from the other people, or hearing NO when I want to hear YES... It can also be me feeling like an outsider, like I don't fit in with the crowd of people I am with or the conversation I am being a part of. And it's not just when I am with strangers. It happens when I am with people I know and even those I am close to as well. I am much better at one on one conversations, can be very chatty in those, rather than those with a group of people. 

I don't want that to happen. I want to be able to open my mouth at any time, with no reservations or hardships, and be able to hold engaging conversations with people, where I am very active rather than sitting there hardly saying anything. I want to be able to stand up for myself too.

How do I change? How do I become this person? I think my life will improve if I change.